pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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