I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
