the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
