Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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