how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The best revenge is premature balding
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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