I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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