my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
