I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
