You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
