Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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