tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
