I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dear god my vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
