Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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