i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
