He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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