what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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