The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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