how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
