I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
