I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
