where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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