take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
