I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
