Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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