Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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