New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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