I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
