i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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