a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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