capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
