it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
