You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
