and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
