how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
