i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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