i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
