All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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