She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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