She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm always down for nudity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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