Me. At least after what I've been through.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
