No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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