My room smells like vodka and shame
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
