he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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