Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
