I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
