I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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