it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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