I seem to have left my pride at pride
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You made out with two different species that night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
