You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
