Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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