HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
