just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
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i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drunk is not a location!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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