How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
