i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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