But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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