My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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