The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
