I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
