i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
