All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
