Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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