I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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