question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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