she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
